


He Dreamed

by gonnaflynow



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Bottom Erwin Week, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, bottom erwin, eruri - Freeform, missing arm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-06 10:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4217556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonnaflynow/pseuds/gonnaflynow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loss is hard to cope with, but there's a reason Levi is called his right hand man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Dreamed

**Author's Note:**

> Part of [Bottom Erwin Week 2015](http://bottomerwinweek.tumblr.com/tagged/prompt2015). This is a fill for the fourth prompt, missing arm, and goes along with sennfan's [beautiful art](http://sennfan.tumblr.com/post/122473009650/bottom-erwin-week-day-four-missing-arm).

He dreamed. Flashes of color against a moonlit sky, threading through his fingers like sand, so close he could reach out and touch, so close, if only—

He dreamed. Tiny silver fish, sliver-thin and quick as a knife, darted around his ankles, playful, dangerous. Bits of broken bone crunched under the soles of his feet as he waded, no, bone, that wasn’t right—

He dreamed. Sunsets, tapestry-rich, the deep orange washing over him as a man next to him pleaded and clutched his sleeve, an empty sleeve, and the deep orange turned to blood red—

Erwin sat up with a shout, fingernails digging into the meat of his palm as his hand clutched around the empty air where his arm should have been. The pain radiated in deep-seated tendrils far past where the limb ended and the sleeve of his sleep shirt began. Hoarse gasps for air quickly turned to sobs, strangled in his throat where they caught themselves in a desperate plea for silence, chest so tight he feared his heart might burst. He all but tore off the sweat-soaked shirt, eyes going wide as his chin caught on a button, blues swallowed up with hopeless black as he tugged and tugged until the button popped, launching itself across the room and clacking uselessly by the baseboard. 

Erwin held the shirt in his hand and let the grief take over. 

“What’s that saying,” croaked a voice to his right, hoarse with disuse. “Don’t cry over spilled milk?” The bed dipped as Levi slid off his chair and sat as close to Erwin as he dared, toeing off his shoes and placing a tentative hand near his thigh. “Same principle.”

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Erwin whispered, face hot with shame and lingering traces of fever, tear tracks carving down his cheeks like the scorched and broken earth of the abandoned Maria farmland.

“Doesn’t matter.” Levi unbuttoned the top three buttons of his own shirt and rolled up his sleeves, lacing his fingers together and stretching his aching arms. “What do you need?”

“What do I...” Erwin trailed off, Levi’s words burying themselves in his forehead and throbbing faintly. He was not a _needy_ man, he was the self-sufficient, unshakeable Commander of the Scouting Legion… but some excuse that was, now. He must have left those qualities on the battlefield along with his arm. Some commander.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed or anything, Erwin. It doesn’t make you weak. Just tell me. I’m here to help.” Levi’s hand slid a little closer, encouraging, fingertips barely brushing Erwin’s strong leg underneath the thin hospital blankets. 

“I n– I need…” He caught Levi’s eye and clenched his fist even more tightly, eyes sliding shut as he swallowed back a sob and took a shuddering deep breath instead. “I need you.”

Levi’s hand pressed against his thigh and he nodded, quiet pride and admiration shining in his eyes. “Which side?”

“Left.”

Levi squeezed his leg and rose from the bed, undoing the rest of his buttons and tossing his shirt across the worn wooden chair that had become his new home over the last week. His belt quickly followed suit before he walked around to the other side of the bed and slid under the sheets, fitting perfectly into Erwin’s side. Erwin’s arm was quick to wrap around him and tug him even closer, his rough fingers dancing lightly up Levi’s spine, across his neck, carding through his hair, starved for human touch.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been in a bed,” Levi chuckled quietly. “Makes me think I should use mine more often.” He draped an arm over Erwin’s torso and slowly dropped his head to his broad chest, ear over his heart. It took five days for Erwin to open his eyes after the accident – five days too many – and Erwin’s constant heartbeat was the only thing that kept Levi from jumping off the deep end, overcome with guilt. He wasn’t there for his commander, _his_ commander, in his time of need, and no matter what he tried, the thoughts flew around his head like gnats: _if you had been there, he would still have his arm. This is your fault, yours, yours._

It had become his nightly routine to wake up on the hour, every hour, checking that Erwin still had a pulse, and though he always found it steady and strong, the stoic captain often found himself fighting back tears.

Erwin, always observant, stroked his thumb over the shell of Levi’s ear to disrupt his train of thought.

“Or you can sleep in mine,” he offered quietly, holding his breath as Levi’s head tilted, grey eyes shining with curiosity.

“Don’t I do that enough already?” Levi snorted. Erwin bit his lip and glanced away. “...you’d like me to stay, is that what you mean?”

“...yes,” Erwin said quietly. “Just like this.”

“Just like this…” Levi murmured, turning his ear back to Erwin’s chest. “I could get used to it.”

 


End file.
